.greasy packs of words in her head.
right.
just, yeah right.
the swing is rusty.
the seat is left hanging on one side of the chain.
that dwarf inside her had been swinging unrhythmically back and forth in her heart
causing these awareness feeling that covers up her ever so often at night.
palpitation elevated almost too soon when her eyes first open to catch the glimpse of the light from the study table.
geez, that hurts man.
too much. too hard on her.
she shivered badly that makes her having this nauseating extremes periodically.
too tired to think of these consequences, she keeps on running not wanting to be left again by the moving carriage she had been depending on to the last three years.
'Shoottt!'
and again, half the coffee she bought from the nearby morning coffee house spilled on her coat when a giant freak accidentally banged her as soon as she stretched her hand out for the door knob.
this never ends here.
she still have another seven hours to go through the hustle and bustle of the city today.
the city she felt like her second home.
the home that she felt she has this really huge piece of heart she could and would give to.
the heart that had once shattered in a tragedy that soon she would forget.
the tragedy that had cost her life terrifically on one sunday afternoon.
and again,there is no end yet in her.
.read between the lines.
'Don't ever trust Russians in business.'
and i mean, BIG business.
this unusual sentence said by a mandate territory person that holds Moscow, Belarus, Uzbekistan and a few others '-tans' countries trading biz.
well, meeting a German business man who is currently here in Moscow for his business trip and also visiting his African friend recalled my memory on meeting with this particular officer.
' They are not yet civilized and with their arrogant so strong they had in themselves, i could not even understand why.
The bell-boy could speak fluent English, but he asked me if i could speak Russian!
I scolded them and too bad for me, i had to move out by friday night just because there are no more vacancies in my hotel. '
gee, even to foreigners of the European countries, they have that attitude.
welcome to Moscow, Mr Hubart.
' But to those who had traveled and migrated, they are the only ones that are open-minded.
They are those who could compromise and practice give and take.
Sh*t. '
yup, that was his favourite word.
we enjoyed chatting with him about Russian community of all aspects.
unfortunately, he's already on his way to the airport for tomorrow's morning flight back to Germany.
it all happened when he had no place to sit in Sinbad but already ordered his light meal, a bowl of salad and a jug of beer while waiting for his friend to end his classes on that day.
enough of him.
second time to German won't do me harm aites?
izzat shahiman, i'll be on my way there later!
no, i am not busy with things.
just butting-in with those street-kids that came from far and appreciate us.
and i truly appreciate them deeply.
very.
i hate to say no. i hate letting people down.
i hate it. i hate this.
but i have to learn to say 'NO'.
and i was thought to do so after experiencing overlapping tasks at hand.
i seldom stall.
stalling makes me puke!
i keep on glancing on my wrist watch and feels like torching my way up and bang the door.
i hate canceling plans. i hate overdo clan.
i hate it. i hate this.
but still, i could not decide.
i elevate myself to reach the rooftop.
not by Obi's expensive ladder, not by strings attached.
Albert Einstein said ; 'Be a man of success, not a man of value.'
have a thought.
p.s: money does not matter when you burden people extra too much!
.eclipse of experience.
fatimah, nabila and i (self-claim 3-stooges) acting like some adolescents got attracted by the cuteness-boyish looks they have.
another Russian-all-time-favourite of mine; Valeria's ( Часики ).
we miss you Mr. Anatoli.
*Crimea, Ukraine*
such footsteps left unwashed by the blood stream that remains in my heart.
they come and go.
there is always Hi and Goodbye.
their sojourn and solicitudes will never be forgotten.
i remembered the day when fakhru sr. (there's fakhru jr. but they are not related at all.. ngee..) decided to pay a visit to Crimea that took him and his friends about half a day journey by train.
exactly the next weekend, it was all-girls-trip to Odessa as a thank-you-note in a short notice.
but, having some surprising backpackers along (bro, sheriman, faiz) just made the excursion a memorable experience that anyone could have.
another cracky plan came up and it was the sweetest morning we have ever had.
wanna know what happened?
it was almost 7am that even the first flush of the morning past few minutes ago.
there were several knockings on the door.
it was saturday morning and imagine, we didn't even order any milk to serve at our doorstep. (bukan ade servis camtuh pun..saje exaggerate lebeyh.. *hik hik*)
saturday morning for us means waking up late and please, a peaceful night til the morning rise up on our head after all those dancing-disco-jumping-up-and-down of other medic-rock-students while we were busy marathon-ing movies with 'our family' the night before.
as usual, i am the one that volunteers to climb down from the so-la-the big double decker.
(that spells rea-lly bii--ggg...!)
and wallah! four familiar faces were hiding behind four freshly-bought roses scares the wits out of me.
they were fakhru sr., fakhru jr., syimie and apek.
each bought roses for fatimah, nabila, rozie and i.
(cair kejap mase tuh..haha..)
and i became so gelabah that i tend to slammed the door!
cepat-cepat kejutkan my roomies and like gelabah we all pakai tudung..
'Korang ni ape kes datang ni?'
(tanye macam tak sudi, tapi dalam hati suka-suki)
'Kiterorg rindu kat korang sumer...'
and we all laughed hysterically and woke the front door neighbour at once.
it was bro's room by the way.
*nabila, fatimah, rozie, sheriman*i wish i could turn back time and enjoy the friendship that i used to have back there in Crimea.
but yeah, many things happened for a reason. a good one.
i could not write more.
i am terribly sorry.
the midas touch has worn out and need to recharge for a really-really long time.
in short, i'll just go for an idle status for my blog, okay readers?
lotsa luv!
p.s: kak ngah, i dah book alex taw! hehe.. =p.
.i hid, i did.
hey readers! welcome back!
i did on the pause button, didn't i?
i guess i accidentally press the OFF button.
wooppss!
i had been in a risky week when all at once, those bullets keeps on bombarding me which such tasks and orders that definitely i must obey!
i can't escape those. i just cannot leave 'em unattended.
oh, i wish the clock ticks slower than before.
i was locked inside the hour glass made by the modern scientist in the chem lab that tracks every hour of my day. sheesshh...
it has been painful, though.
darn! the red sand just keep flowing into the smallest lumen i had been in.
i had to follow the flow or i'll be too transparent among the crowd.
chocolate, hoo-haa-ing, shopping... nice but far too naughty eyh?
some said these baddies can be goodies after all.
all those gossiping and gorging are new health mantras.
you think so?
you think you're addicted to the Britney's stupid-saga that has been going on for weeks?
blergh... so the yesterday!
psychiatrist might say that celebrities trauma can avoid us from similar situations they were in.
that, i agree.
a friend of mine asked me recently;
' Kenapa manusia belajar satu-satu subjek tuh melalui filem?'
' Erm, sebab manusia nih malas membaca, malas nak tengok ayat panjang-panjang. lagi-lagi kalo suruh bace. hampeh! skrng ni sumer ade tv. so care yang terbaik nak sampaikan mesej or subjek tuh thru lakonan. tp masalahnye, kadang-kadang cara fikiran kite sendiri mengintepretasikan mesej yang sebenarnye dieorg nak sampaikan tu mungkin tersasar jauh. ntahla.. banyak sgt filem skrng nih ngarut je.. '
my so-not-wise point of view.
now, on me.
how mature i am, i do not know.
having split personality?
maybe, at times.
i realized that i had been hiding the real me to those people i actually know very well of.
why, you might ask. you would, wouldn't you?
i guess i myself are trying hard to find that answer.
life has been such a staccato lately.
a lame reason there.
you don't care, do you?
oh, it was like a Star-Wars war just now!
haha..
bro, you know what i mean.
not a word spoken since that day!
never, i guess.
i WAS guessing too much, kan?
(i just love monologue conversation!)
p.s: give me time to decide, please? thank you.
.doctors & photography.
short one.
( Dr. Shah ) and his friend recently open up a photography business.
further info, click ( Ijabkabul Photography ).
i tell you, they are good.
*wink wink*
p.s: najib, nanti passkan The Kite Runner ek. after! haha..
.stay put and you'll be good.
click. OFF.
the new sem had passed by almost too quickly that i thought i had missed the boat.
well, in certain occasions, i did.
oh, too long to explain.
dear readers, did i pause too long to reflect?
i know it's never enough of writing, never enough of experiencing, never enough of sharing.
i choose to be this way now. i think.
exactly a week after my last post and now i am writing again.
having the vanilla blue sky and drops of snowfall early this morning that has covered the entire scene had reminded me of mama waking up at 5am and excitedly told us that she's more than happy that she could see the crystal snow right before her eyes after such long time.
it's too cold to stay indoors but the temperature is killing outdoors.
i had over-charged myself last night and to some extend, caffeine is my last option.
domesticated, yeah, that's how i feel. too good to explain.
i missed the water molecules that literally hugs me and around my flesh.
found it disturbing, but it keeps my peace. ah, not a big deal here.
i just don't want the sun to set too early, just like the new lovers.
to most, i am just a full-time dreamer, much liking to save the world.
to some, i am just some bewitching gedik who thinks that she's too much of herself blabbing.
and to me, those buttons just keeps on buzzing and they are too irritating and not worth keeping.
stop pressing!
people, paris hilton is as hot as the global warming. but she can't save the world in the next ten years. really, trust me!
*Anuar Zain; Ketulusan Hati*
by the way, today is sixteenth of february and yes, it's our fourth anniversary.
i'll be having a long-distance-night phone call soon!
nah, i did not celebrate a proper Valentine's Day.
what for when he's just too far to reach?
but he knows, that i am always too near to hold.
and to us, it's an unconditional love and we are just too bold.
i'll write more soon.
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini is absolutely powerful.
grab that a.s.a.p!
bought that at Waterstone bookstore but big bro brought it home.
*grrrr...*
click. pause button ON.
.i captured & i lured.
*the road i used to live at in Essex*..and again, i woke up too late that the sun had tilted to another part of my pie chart time.
my biological clock has run.
it used to be a big matter to me.
now, i have turned the leaf over and see what overcomes me.
who is that Kelabit guy?
i had put in wonder, but it's no use one way or another.
for an instance, critics do come in whatever way and i guess i was learning that i'll take it positively.
not like yesterday's incident at Ramstor Kapitol.
one main reason not to let me die down here in Russia.
and of course, coming back here after almost two-damn-thrilling weeks in London made me realized that there is no more place for manners and civilities in todays generation.
my fear of landing is still there.
how i wish to be above the layers of clouds, watching the sun rise and fall for hours and hours.
i love the fact that flying around the globe is my thing.
i would not speak a single word unless i'm being asked.
i kept to myself, getting everything done by others.
i let things rest where they fell, be it the sounds, the sights, the impressions.
that, if you put me next to the window pane.
and because, i knew my own thoughts and feelings without needing to explain.
nights in London, overlooking Hyde Park at the corner of the Lancaster Gate underground, i see people in two-storey buses trying hard to express their state of mind which they couldn't have invented themselves.
i guess i had been dreaming too much.
people locked themselves in their language.
waiting for something impossible as if like it is going to explode in the sky of their own attention.
i hate that fact.
i was taut in anger when somebody is over the limit of my level-headed.
i can laugh for hours, and i can also weep in that very minute.
i do no want to be in the reflection of my own.
it put me in an image into a deeper space behind me.
it's like watching a sweating can of gaseous drink on the table.
condensation streaked down the side of the can.
and oh, the spilling of the sugar when i wanted to sweetened my coffee seems glittering having caught by the sun ray.
i am missing the days walking along the Oxford Street with mama, holding bags of clothes, sipping the coffee brewed by the barista at one of the cafes near the underground.
holidays i filled with gigglings with siblings, helping mama with her delicious servings, not forgetting abah's camera-freak pictures uploading into my external hard disk.
6000 plus of pictures since the Moscow tour till the end of our UK tour from three different cameras.
how wonderful is the technologies nowadays.
and i left that disk on the table in big bro's apartment. no kidding.
depress a lil.
*sheesshh*
i'm gaining weight. haha..
lunch at Satay House at Edgware Road, Salwa's restaurant with different types of hot spicy curry, tasting the marvelous infamous Italian dishes (thanx for the dinner big bro!) along the Oxford Street, not to mention the brunch we had in a Romanian Cafe at Gatwick Airport served by a Malaysian part-timer working there.
and our breakfast is always simple.
Posh Fish serves the most original fish and chips in Oxford.
gee, who wouldn't miss that!
going out and into London, sat nav was really helping out avoiding traffics plus the congestion charge was exempted!
phew, ( Toyota's Prius Hybrid car ) was something.
fyi, no pics could be uploaded till i got back my exernal.
gosh, that would only be this coming summer!
urrghh...
p.s: mira, ileena, amy, li suen.. sorry tak sempat jumpe.
.browsing through.
eating out near Tower Bridge of London
'heavy eyh?' Trafalgar Square
my blog on iPhone
the lane i used to live at
like, yeah?!
a-must-jumping shot at Buckingham Palace
nabila & i at Hyde Park.unarrange.
no strings attached?
*erk*
like Selfridges & Co. said;
'Love is not written in paper, but it is inscribed in your heart, and it last forever'.
their valentine quote.
sales in London just ended yesterday and they're starting to sell those spring fashions that really caught my eyes.
two full days of mother-daughter shops along Oxford Street are never enough!
hahaha...
i have lotsa things in mind to write but my headache condition stops me.
those greasy pack of words wanted to get themselves arrange in a nice and better sentence in my blog, but i got stuffs to be pack as tomorrow till monday, we're going to my birth place; Essex!
yuuhhuuu....
not just that, three, yes - THREE boot sales in Colchester!
mama and i just can't wait!
saving the kachings at Primark to get boot sales thingy.
*can't wait!*
okayh, let me have some rest till i get back to Moscow aites?
i still got some patch-up works to do.
help me.
btw, meeting Kak Su (taking master in law at King's College), Intan and Siti from London School of Economics (LSE) made me thought about the decision i made few years back.
there's just things that are made for us, eyh?
i'm glad i took the chances and use them well.
and ahh... 'Hooray Henry', he is something!
stay with me readers!
*hugggssss*
p.s: plan c? petik jari.
