maaf sahabatku.
dengan orang rusia memang aku kurang tahap kesabaran.
entah kenapa, baik jangan ditanya.
hanya membangkitkan rasa yang semakin membuak-buak.

maaf atas kata-kata kesat tadi.
tidak semena-mena kau yang kena.
tidak sepatutnya aku katakan namun hati merana.
tidak mungkin aku lakukan hanya atas nama 'customer'.

tahun ini sahaja, sudah empat kali aku memberontak dengan orang rusia.
amat jelas di mata mereka.
tahap kebencian itu memang sudah lama ada.
hak tetap hak.
aku mempertahankan.
akan aku sentiasa pertahankan.
jangan banyak soal.



p.s: nicki, jgn terpengaruh.

one after another.
i could not take this slow.
but if i continue to follow my whispery heart,
it MIGHT lead to somewhere worst.

i felt so bad to my crowd members as i had to leave the first 30 mins of our discussion
for the one and the half hours of deadly-futsal training.
yeah, the suicide physical exercise did really test our stamina.
Alhamdulillah, i still have the stamina but just not enough to play for an hour game after that.
the last ten minutes was an exhausted-seriously-tak-tahan period.
hahaha... i could not even kick the ball!
punya lemah.. *blergh*

i was taught on how things were gone for us.
things that seems really close to your heart.
but you know, soon, they will just have to leave the footsteps at where it has first begun.
strong is the word.
this word that made me felt weaker at times.
this word that trust me in whatever i was thinking stupidly at that time.
this word that put me in faith and face Him.

i do not want to put this end to some disappointing event.
let's just make yourself happy.

what?
you thought i was talking (writing) about the boyfriend?
of course not.
*sheessh*

i stood there thinking about the yesterdays i had gone through.
different people with different tales.
different personalities accompanied their different perspectives on one simple thing.
different opinions clashed with their different stances.
and no doubt, it's a split personality within them.

how?
there are different lanes that leads to different situations.
different minds to solve and secure these different uncertainties.
and to these different people, do respect others.
problems are there for us to encounter.
not to make them look worst.

sekian.


p.s: massad-nizhny games-exams!

i had almost three hours of gossiping on the phone with my sangatlah-banyak-cakap sisters.
yeah, both of them.
one in segamat and youngest currently 'balik bercuti', now in KL.
getting updates from them is just one of the many topics we would talked and we'll never stop!
haha.. typical girls, you'd say?
well, sister-to-sisters.
t'was fun as usual, except for some moment when problems arises.
too bad for the youngest cause her elder siblings seems to be far away from her during her childhood growth.
so, you can see why she's a spoiled little girl, being pampered by the getting-cooler parents of mine!
bertuah betul anak-anak zaman sekarang, kan?

oh, bak kata abah, after being elected as YDP PIBG of TIGS, he wrote this in his SMS to me;
'Takpela anak lawa (yeah, that refers to me), abah sanggup pikul tanggungjawab ni untuk anak abah yang tersayang yang banyak cakap (this refers to the youngest!)'
hahahaha....

all i knew now is that my wardrobes are no longer hanging with my clothes!
the shoe rack and the bag drawers needs more space.
the youngest is a fast-learner of Javanese vocabs.
plus, i need to learn more about public transportation!
for your info, i do not use public transport unless i was going out of town.
seriously, my bad.
i was the only one in the sibling not trained to use these public amenities.
haish...
all other four were enrolled in boarding schools that were situated few hours journey from KL.
but not me. i was in kuala selangor JE...
it was only an hour driving, so basically it was either mama or abah that fetched and drove me there.
got that?
and i was called coward by both my sisters everytime i asked them how do they get back to KL safely.
i was worried sick especially after Sharlinie's incident.
i know they're big enough, but still, the worriedness kept on surrounding me whenever i knew they're back in KL.
i will always make sure they're safe back at their hostels days after that.
(kakak yang terlalu risau kot...)

***

'Rancangan Makanan Tambahan' teramatlah menarik!
i could see myself working under that roof.
because of the enthusiasm showed by each of them, this trial and error is going to work!
InsyaAllah..
bukanlah sekadar hangat-hangat tahi ayam laa..

***

oh, how i miss blogging almost everyday last time.
not anymore now.
depends on my mood and also depends on the busyness i was at that time.
the boyfriend understands too much that sometimes i felt that i was neglecting him.
he never felt that way, he claimed.
many years of LDR ever since we were together, he's getting used to the all-time-community-service-me. hah!
perli je tahu!

okay.
i suck at numbers.
no, really. i got dizzy and boom, passed out!
five hours of cat-nap (ye la sangat kan..) by the help of the red Panadol Extra.
FEV, RV, TV, MVV.. bla bla.. yes, it's pathphys.
anything to do with physic is sooooo not me!
without hesitation, i ignored the offer to do engineering at Aussie.
OMG! layla la kan nak amik benda2 camtuh?
*gosshh*

even the boyfriend could die laughing at me for taking that course.
if i were to take that course la kan..
luckily it was my sis who took up accountancy.
still, the blue ledger book on my table need to be fill up every single day, every single cent i spent.
(yes, kalo skip mati la)
that's just something small compared to sis that had to face numbers not only during her college years, but even during the holidays cause she had to work with abah.
hahaha... padan muka!
ahh, she's just like mama.
so calculative, systematic and yeah, a statement person. heh.
enough.

uh-oh.
the exam date is out already.

not that i'm not worry. who's not?
first of july will be the graduation date for the final peeps.
helping them out. and oh, gonna miss them (some of them) for whatever we had done together before this.
especially the Geng Damai team in Endau!
*ehem*

( Massad '08 ) is soon. all the best dear 2nd year students.
so is the Nizhny Games.
layla = futsal. unless there's a swimming event. or golf.
still not clear with the Massad theme actually, but it's okay, i give my full support to the committee since majority of them have helped me a lot during my Massad '07 days.


previous post, i wrote that i'm no longer wearing jersey number 14.
uh, gonna miss it.
thought wanna stay with that number forever.


p.s: enjoying the ( Muxtape ).

had been writing somewhere that actually talks my heart out.
had been capturing spontaneous actions that i thought cools me down.
i have another eight more clicks to go marking the ending of 400 ASA.
aah...just can't wait to see the result.
multiple imposed-checked.
coloured flash-checked.
light leaks-checked.
long exposures-checked.

rule #5 : get as close as possible.
urm, not that much, though.

i am really waiting
for the day where i could catch the sunlight freely
for the minutes that passes by without worries
for the primaveral spring to arrive
then i could drive my thoughts and speak as loudly as a carefree!

***

being in the spot of more than 6000 miles away from you hurts.
it hits me when i'm back home but still, i am practically running around
leaving you clueless, but definitely doubtless.
*grrr*


yeah, i miss you.
if it was written in a long-long piece of paper,
it'll be written very-very much,
(and more to be precise)

nah, it should be this; endlessly.

***

by the way, my jersey number isn't gonna stay 14 this time.

and oh, i love talking with an alternate you!



p.s: feist's secret heart.

distance between two love is not an obstacles,
but it shows how strong the true love is.

***

i think i

how do you often found a right person once?
ya-ah, once.

time is constantly ticking.
and so is my life.
so many games i have played, so many times i had discovered my talent.
too many people i have met, too many attitudes and personalities surpassed mine.
someone will have to suffer, but i do not want to be the only one.
choices of left-overs made me picked this.

because of the faith and courage, all my mistakes and carelessness is one of my masterpiece.
the top will not remain forever.
the last will not mourn like tomorrow will be the ever-after.
only the cowards would say that human is never perfect.
because why?
because they are scared to risk their ever-successful life down deep the ocean.
because they are not prepared to face the worst they could imagine.
because they do not want others to overreach the superiority they had already gaining.
and one word; selfishness.

put that aside.

small leakages will soon blurted out and you do not have to worry of hiding them anymore.
this is the price you have to pay after all.

absence of thoughts of my heydays is back.
i am the kind that needs to struggle and the result might not be the equivalent of what i had done forever.
compensating with the surrounding made me me.
got that phrase?

oh, by the way, the weather is really killing me with the bathroom breaks.
*sheessh*
(be grateful)

p.s: my manual time.

i know i had been posting about lomo non-stop.
the photography passion is back people!!
a day after having my hands on Supersampler, i just can't wait to receive packages of Holga & Ring-flash i ordered through Lomo St. Petersburg.
and yeah, with 'ayat-ayat manis', i got discount for these stuffs!
when it reached my hostel, i dapat lagi diskaun!
yeay!
best giler okayh!
hahaha... =p

the self-made white studio was an initiative from A.Idham's pics archive.
yeah, i learned a lot through the professional photographer pics
and they inspired me much on snapping pics of my own creativity
and my pics are what expressed me.

some said i might be wasting my time and money investing in photography.
i know i am when i do not know how to appreciate things like this.
look at me. do i look like one?
heh, i don't think so.
am still learning a lot about the tips & tricks of lomography.
photography IS photography.

you'll never see me leaving my home without a camera.
*hecks*

***
by the way, the past has returned.
it's not me.
neither it's you.
being a story-teller taught me a lesson.
and that's a lesson for you to learn too.
you have had yours but not her.
looking back the time i sat on that chair and start tell tales
i thought nobody would listen.
but i was totally wrong.
you heard me.
you heard me screaming even when you're miles away.
you heard me sobbing even when you see i was laughing.
you heard me whining even when people thought i wasn't complaining.
you heard me swearing even when others were side-along cheering.

thank you. and very much thank you.


p.s: you found your way.

hasilnya...

***

Sama-sama kita sedekahkan Al-Fatihah kepada arwah ayahanda Kak Erina dan juga arwah abang kepada Shazzmira. Semoga roh mereka dicucuri rahmat-Nya.

Kita pun tak tau bila time kita kan?


p.s: terigt atok kat Lenga yang tgh sakit gaks.. *huhu..*

damn!
he sounds so BORAT-ish!!
listen to each and every words he said aites!
i could laugh my heart out!
oh yeah, and his slang.
*gagaga...*

just collected the lomo pics from the shop.
haven't got the time to scan it yet, since i do not own any scanner here.
so here are some pics i just took.
sumpah takde editing.
sebab tuh cam blurry sket. =p..

heh.
seriously, puas hati.
tapi tak sabar tuk vtornik.
eheh.. =D


p.s: sket lagi nak lepas...

tak sabar. (sabarlaa..)
tapi tak sabar laaa... (kejap laa...)
uurrm..... cepatlaa... (sabar boleyh tak??)

p.s: vtornik. haih...

what's cool? what drools?

yeah, that's our boys!
haha..

unfortunately peeps, i did not get my Holga starter kit cause it was out of stock.
in two weeks time, i hope.
well, that will give me more time to think about the fish-eye adaptor and the ring flash to buy them online.

gonna go 'cuci' the kodak later this afterrnoon.
see how it turns out.
still in the learning process of producing great lomo pics.

so after checking out at Bagrad's Respublika store, we went to Lotte Plaza at Novei Arbat to check out if there's Holga at this branch.
still, bad news. cause the store just opened.
too bad for me.

( Dalek Edition Supersampler )

so, after stuffing our realllly empty stomach at McD, we decided to have some walked at Arbat since it's already spring and the road isn't as slippery during winter.
plus, more booth were opened.

and the first booth was the one that made us stay to buy by not thinking that long.
cause you wanna know why?
ZENIT-EM only cost 1200 rubel!
that's about RM160 jeeeee! WITH THE CASING!
yeah, zharif saw it first.
so it was his la kan..
it's like 'sape cepat die dapat'! haha..

for those who do not know about Zenit's camera, it's originally USSR made.
seriously.
it's like soooo antique and classic.
plus, zharif's Ahmad Zenit is still working!
hah!
*lagi jeles*

( Zenit-EM )






so, we'll se how it goes later.
mau pi Ramstor sebentar lagi!
=p


p.s: kan dah kate, demam terus hilang~

menarik. kelakar.
tak sabar.
entah.

***

fagustick: huiyoo..
layla tumaisuri: ye saye?
fagustick: layan holga..
fagustick: perghh..
layla tumaisuri: lg originalllllllllllllllll
layla tumaisuri: muahahahah
layla tumaisuri: abes tuh sumer nak sebat dslr!!
layla tumaisuri: hehhe
fagustick: dulu teringin nak main gak...waktu skolah dulu...
layla tumaisuri: yeah?
fagustick: gmbr won't dissapoint r..
layla tumaisuri: geezz..org br tau pasal lomo mase 1st year
fagustick: haah..
layla tumaisuri: hampess
layla tumaisuri: hahaa
fagustick: ada jual kat wondermilk..
layla tumaisuri: tu ar ade prasan..tapi tak amik kisah sgt
layla tumaisuri: hehehe
fagustick: kat oU...
layla tumaisuri: ngeee....wondermilk dah takde la kat ou..
fagustick: ko dah order ke?
layla tumaisuri: ade jual kat kedai foto lain
layla tumaisuri: dats wat i heard la
layla tumaisuri: ehhehe
fagustick: oyeah?
layla tumaisuri: tak order..
fagustick: oo
layla tumaisuri: iAllah pi beli sok
layla tumaisuri: kalo takde halangan
layla tumaisuri: huhuhu
fagustick: cun2.
fagustick: nnt nk pinjam...hehehe
layla tumaisuri: np
layla tumaisuri: sy tahu anda menghasilkan gmbr2 superb
layla tumaisuri: :P
fagustick: manade..
fagustick: nak main2 cam holga..
layla tumaisuri: alaa...pgg, click2, kuar ar gmbr best!
layla tumaisuri: np dude
layla tumaisuri: i can't wait for tomorrow!
layla tumaisuri: trus baek demam
layla tumaisuri: hahahaha
fagustick: hahaha
fagustick: cun2
layla tumaisuri: thx..we'll c how 2moro!
fagustick: enjoy!
layla tumaisuri: thx dude!


erk!
lagi byk kaler OREN dari BIRU ye?
ku tulis sebegitu banyak ye?
hek.

***

terpaksa ku telan pahitnya
teringin ku rasai manisnya
mungkin hasrat ku terlalu jauh
mungkin hatiku amat kecil nilai kukuh.


p.s: moga-moga.

i guess i found my boys!!
yes, with an 's'!!

too bad they haven't sell Holga+Fish-Eye adapter yet in Moscow nor St. Petersburg that i wanted so badly.
padahal Presiden Lomo org Moscow kott...
*isk isk*

Fish-eye 2 is an option for now coz since it has the adapter version, i guess i'll just buy it online, maybe.
so i won't be crashing my backpack with 2 cameras!
*blergh*

and oh yeah, i got my Nikon L3, a reason for me not to buy Canon 450D although it has more and greater features to get superb pics.
plus, abah gave me that camera and it has been with me for 3 years.
so i guess dslr cam is no more an option for me.
trying something new!

and oh, before i miss out something,
credits to Zharif for understanding my hobby and passion and helping me out searching stuffs on Lomos in the net and around Moscow!
(nah!)


p.s: kesihatan semakin baik bile baby boy dah dijumpai!

lomo ke?
holga + fish-eye adapter:
price: 140 EUR



( WORLD OF HOLGA )

dslr ke?
latest Canon 450D:
price: 524.95 - 649.99 EUR



had been reviewing these cameras for soooo long.
and still i couldn't decide.
who doesn't want both?
perrgghh...

( holga pics ), ( fish-eye pics )

( canon 450D pics )

i so like the originality of the lomo pics,
but still, i love the pics produced by the dslr cams.


apsal blogger wat prob plak ni?
haish...

p.s: nasi lemak ke bubur? tapi nak gak sambal sotong..~

fever attacks at night.
cough and sore-throat never leave each other.
i have tried traditional advices and also the modern medications.
need her badly~


p.s: not synchronize to arrange the bricks yet.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99

"WEAR SUNSCREEN!"

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, "sunscreen" would be it.

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,

whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice NOW!

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.

Oh, never mind.

You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.

But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future.
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind,

The kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy.
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.

The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive.

Forget the insults.

If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters.

Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees.

You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll divorce at 40.

Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much,

or berate yourself either.

Your choices are half chance.

So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can.

Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.

It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance

Even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines.

They will only make you feel ugly.

"Brother and sister together we'll make it through,
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you
and I'll be there just helping you out
whenever I can..."


Get to know your parents.

You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings.

They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,

but with a precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get,

the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in "New York City" once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in "Northern California" once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel

Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise.

Politicians will philander.

You, too, will get old.

And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young,

prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund.

Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse.

But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy,

but be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia.

Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,

wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.


"Brother and sister together we'll make it through,
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you
and I'll be there just helping you out
whenever I can..."


Everybody's Free, Everybody's Free

To Feel Good!

p.s: surely some of you have heard of this right. it's a direct inspirational song. enjoy and ponder!

he was my friend when he played hide & seek with me.
he was my tauke durian during my last time ever eating it at his orchard.
he was my hero protecting me from the fall of durians under the trees.
he was my doctor when i fall down and hurt my leg.
he was my father when we were being schooled at kampung Lenga.
he was my driver bringing me wherever i want to around the kampung.
he was my teacher that taught me on religious education.
he was my imam everytime we prayed jamaah.

he had been a loyal customer since he was young to the tauke emas Pekan Lenga.
he had been serving for the country during the communist era of Malaya.
he had been very calm in his position to not even have the slightest mood swing in some critical situation.
he had been so brave catching the big snake i saw under his house and there was his face of satisfaction.

he was the nicest golden ages i had known so far.
he was the most soft-spoken person i've ever talked to.
he was the most well-known person in his kampung.
he was the most respected elder at his district.
he was and forever will be the greatest grandfather a person could ask for.

it's sad when i heard the news that he is almost reaching his time.
it's tearful when i could only talked to him for awhile on the telephone.
it's depressing when i could not be there to hold his hand tightly.
it's unfortunate that maybe i couldn't be his doctor especially before he lives in the life-after eternity.


and we share the same hobby; photography.

Atuknda, semoga dirahmati umur yang panjang.
Cucunda sekalian akan senantiasa mendoakan kesejahteraan dan kesihatan atuknda.
Terima kasih tak terhingga buat jasa atuknda yang tak mampu cucunda sekalian balas.

*isk isk*

yeah...i'm really missing those days in kampung..
the baseball game, the rubber smell, the durian orchard, nenek's dishes, atuk's motor-riding around the kampung...
all those rewang-kenduri thingy, those berzanji and selawat group from house to house..
i wish i was back home..

p.s: doakan tuk atuk Layla k?

lately, the ecstatic feeling kept me going.
the brood tears did not put me drowning.
footsteps of thoughts and doubts while walking to my school, filling the ambiance of early spring.
and the hot spell is down on me, gently i grabbed my own secretion of sweat.

hormonal disturbance did helped me a lot by producing adrenaline-rush and anger-mode and geez, they did not dare to touch me.
haha..
besides, throwing stones definitely did not hurt me in any ways.
plus, you're not even ahead of me.
let me tell you, i am not the one that needs to get too much attention anonymously like you do.
please, stand up for yourself.
no need to disguise yourself by being a first-boner. we all knew it already.
sparking things off? heh.
help yourself. you're in your own game.

oh, by the way, i received one great news that made me proud being one of the committee project.
to those who had helped Sunathon 07 at Endau, Johor directly and indirectly, especially to Muscovite peeps, Prof Latiff was still impressed with all of you!!
He said that we had surpassed the pioneers organizing this one very great activity in symposium held in Dublin recently. (i guess! i received this news 2 days back.)
we knew you all helped sincerely but as to congratulate all of you for the hardwork, a frame of our pic were distributed to you guys just last week.
i knew who could work in front of my very eyes, and no one should dare argue with me on that.
cause everyone, yes, every one of the participants and the committee showed and proved to us that we do not work for position, but for everybody's satisfaction.
yes, i am.
thank you very much people who supported us all the way from scratch after being challenged by Prof Latiff himself during the trip to Sabah in 2006.

p.s: it's an annual event. wanna join?