21 years 7 days and counting..
that's my age for today.

it was his yesterday.
26th was sarah dawam's.
27th was ammar's.
soon, it'll be bro's.
aries babies! haha..

***

we talked about what made us stronger in any aspects of life.
(i like this.)
i stated my wish and yes, i am seeing it going my way.
but the competition is tough enough to actually put me around.
rhetorical questions keep tossing in my head and being aware of that,
i could not bid farewell but to accept this dilemma pretentiously.
double-deal!

called home and the answer gave a big impact on me.
boning myself for next week's colloqiums - path anat, path phys, russian.
you just knew when you are talking to med-freak.

***

form 5 so-called senior threatened form 3 kiddo by burning her iron-board.
like wth la kan?
not enough with that, they spread gossips and bla-bla.
she hails from KL, unlike others, like so?
like she care la kan?
as long as i knew that she's strong enough to handle them.
i know she is.


p.s: one buck short!

i mentally rewind the days and conversations i had the whole week in my dermatology class.
noted the time and the weather of my mood in my mind.
it wasn't easy to recall the sequences as there was so many things happened.

these chain of people thought they could be an annex so easily ignoring other people's feeling.
these chain of people did hear but they did not listen.
these chain of people thought they are the only many-sided that exist.
these chain of people look-down on others judging the worst you could ever think of.

i have not much to say lately but many things are lingering in my mind.
why bother selecting when you yourself wanted to work alone?
why bother asking when you know you are careless to think about others?
why bother learning the community when you only wanted your own people to serve?
and why does all these bothers me so much??

you think.

***

as a starter, we had umaki (a smoked eel covered by Japanese omelet) and izumi tai sashimi (a rockfish sushi).
for the main course, i had seafood nabe (thick Japanese soup of shrimp, squid, scallop, salmon & tomatoes) and he had salmon ramen.
the dishes were freakingly awesome! haha..
it worth the roubles we paid for the meals and their services.
and yeah, i like that place!

where? ( here! )

*the menu*


*umaki*


*salmon ramen*


*teramat la besar sudu sup! cam senduk nasi la plak..*

***

a friendster invitation?
heh, thanx friend.
even my facebook pun i tak amik kisah sgt.
lalala..~

it's like i'm wasting myself stalking others who i don't know at all, seeing what were they doing currently through their pics, only knowing that they were our friend's cousin or maybe our boyfriend's best friend or our cousin's ex-boyfriends and bla bla bla..
you could actually penetrate their profiles and knew about everything and *blergh*, that sucks.

'Thanx for the add'
'Do you know me?'
'Boleh berkenalan?'
omg. lameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...........
(one reason i made my profile private when i had fs)

facebook's with thousands of weird-freak applications..
as if you can sip the coffee your friends sent to you.
as if you could wear the LV bracelet they sent virtually for your birthday.
as if you fought the zombies and get hurt.
as if you could pinch your friends and *ouch*, that hurts!
as if...
as if people....
yeah, i know i accepted those 'gifts' and add them into my profile box but do you actually wear them and tasted those drinks?
oh please.
i am not anti-facebook but ntah...
pening kepala...

thanx again friends.

***

*thank you amie!!*

refer to ( this post ), u'll understand why i upload this bouquet of roses pic.
more at ( Blooming Florist ).
seriously, it's worth it!


p.s: limitless!!

noticed the poll at the side of my blog?


the poll is closed and this is the result.
thanx to those who voted.
top 3 goes to 'perasan lebeyh', 'gedik tak kene tempat' and 'blur & senang mempercayai orang'.
heh!

well, at least i admit it.
typical girls WILL have this attitude and personalities.
not need to lie or hide.
right?

so, in conjunction of my very first day after my birthday, i will see if i could change this attitude.
but if people love for me for being who i am, then i'll let me be me!

by the way, this was what bah's opinion/statement on me in ( her blog ).

the clock struck marking the midnight of the beginning of 23rd March 2008.

the phone rang while i was with k.maz in her room.
'Hello'
'Hello layla. kat mane ni? dah tau kan? meh la turun!!'
'Hahhh?? oohh. ok ok... haha..'

so there was bro, fetching me from k.maz's room down to his room.
and as i knew, it was an expected surprise birthday party.
need not elaborate long, the party was great having my intimacy around.
when there's a party, there's always delicious foods! haha..
thanx to bro for the home-made choc cake, sheila for the fried mee, kak ina for the fruit pudding and last but not least fiza for the bake macaroni...
bantai gilosss laparr... *hik hik*

so, what did i get eyh?

*NEXT handbag from bro*

*a box of hand-made cookies from Bah*

*Esprit's Connect perfume from K.Lea & Alyn*

*Toblerones from Fareez & Sha*

*Logitech's headphone-speaker from Fiza & Kay*

*Hallmark's very cute teddy bear from Mags*

*Album of memories from Zharif*

what?

title's weird kee...?
here's mine;

1. plates/utensils
do you normally keep the left-over meals in the same plate you used as 'lauk'?
i mean like, do you not change the plate although it's not as dirty as the plate you use to eat?
well, i have the habit of i-do-not-care-how-many-plates-i-have-to-wash but as long as the plate is as clean as before i take the meals.
i guess that's one of the reason i bought my own set of plates last sem.
and i'v always make sure that there are enough gizmos at my so-called kitchen area.
i do not care whoever wants to use it, but just make sure they wash them and knows where to put it back.
cause i have the habit of counting the plates and cups to make sure they are in a complete set.
freako eyh?
do i care?

2. time waits for no man
i live by that proverb.
unless i was extremely lazy or i had other important things to do.
like i wrote before, headmistress of Kusess during my time said that even five minutes early is considered late.
i have this adrenaline rush if i had the mind-set that i was going to be late.
(although it gives result that i was early)
i guess it runs in the family that Abah thought us to be early for any occasions and important events.
'Biasela, JANJI MELAYU'.. kita tak malu ke bila orang lain cakap camtuh??
i could even walk as fast as the Russians even when there's 10 minutes left before the class started.
(one reason because i always forget which floor is for which class! haha..)

3. addicted to drugs
not the drug drug.
but the medicine drug, okayh.
i had an incident when i was a young innocent girl who likes taking medicines and i could swallow tablets when i reach the age 7.
no doubt that my family doctor was shocked. heh!
Mama bought a new bottle of Ubat Batuk Cap Ibu dan Anak and when she was completely out of my sight, i had already tipple it at one shot!
what i knew next was Mama told me that i had been in my bed the whole day without her suspecting anything. huhu..
told her what i did.
a little surprise expressed on her face because before this, 3 tablespoons of this liquor drug was the most at a time i had taken.

4. prefer lauk bersambal then lauk bersantan
erm...curry's not my type.
my kurma ayam is without santan.
but still, i have packets of them in my 3-storey food cupboard.
sape nak, meh datang amik.
FOC!!

5. stuff collector
bagpacks, tote bags, handbags, sling bags, school bags, rucksacks.
sandals, slippers, high heels, strap shoes, boots, slip-ons, sport shoes.
horror books, autobiography books, fiction & non-fiction, thriller, economics, European history.
exercise books, text books, magazines of beauty products, fashions, cars and sports, traveler's choice.
ear-rings, necklaces, bracelets, bangles, scarf pins, hair bands, hair pins.
tiger socks, stripe socks, colourful socks, long & short socks, branded & non-branded socks.
i am not gonna list whatever is in my wardrobe ok!

6. blog stalker
i read my friends' friends' cousins' blog.
i read yours and also yours.
i read hers'.
even read hiss'.
your fathers' and your uncles'.
not forgetting my uncle and his house-mates.
my cousins and my virtual friends.
those in malaysia, russia, india, uk and all over the world.
thanx for reading mine too!
*wink wink*

tagging:
# bahiyah nor
# haneem
# ileena
# sofie
# shahida

p.s: the snowman did save the best for the last!

this whole week had been more erroneous than i thought i could handle.
things started off cool.
hebdomadal classes were making me vibrantly active when there was still sunlight and nocturnally dozed off as if i was on sedative when the sun sets.
gosh, terrible me!
it's just so phenomenal to see me hibernating like it was still in winter-i-dislike.

i was finding fault with someone all these while.
heedless me could not care about other people's heart and i wanted to lead my very own life.
i could only start laughing when i found those platonic cliques of mine i knew for as long i had been here.
anti-social? groupism? uuhh..the other way round, i think.
(does that word even exist by the way? like i care, for now...)
i wanted to get over it quickly.
the not-yet-chronic-xenophobe i have deep inside for someone.
it's the internal-ambivalent that keeps me around and not stop picking on someone.
i know i'm done. always have.
i do not care when people stop their stare.
please, behave.

maybe yes, maybe no
maybe rain, maybe snow.

that bytes kept me alive this week.
a quote from Mr. George did managed to put a smile on me everytime it passes my estrangement.
feeling so crappy, all i did was just making more holes in my pocket and just do what i wanted to do.
i was dreaming that someday i would stand out there marking my words out and proud.
i would not be ashamed making them known.
even there is not many that wanted to listen.

learning of Sunni and theology made me think.
as deep as i go into the hole, there was always moments of realization of things i had ignored before this.
things i should know but never could i care the consequences or even the things i would soon deal with.
frames of words i could hardly understood but the sounding board found me and hold me on to them leaving my already-sunken-ship.
SOS came in time.
the ideology and analogy used managed to reached me and it echoed my thoughts as i go through the miserable days.
i have found my little strength i left long time ago.
it's so durable.. or so i thought.
but i knew that at least i had found mine.
have you?

i need honesty. plain, really bald honesty.
genuine people. no hidden motives.
no superficial niceness and whatnots.
just a little honesty.
what do i mean?
go google it.

*tower bridge doesn't fall like the london bridge does, right?*

i can't say i am not bothered at all with the elections.
obviously, i am.
whatnot the peeps at my place, putting status at their YM with sentences that do bothered me everytime i scrolled down the list.
well, each of us has our own say.

ayam goreng masak tauchu was among the best dishes i had yesterday.
this place really gives me these good-yummy-foods that definitely will put me grow sideways if i stayed there longer!
aha!
not forgetting the experience of ice-fishing.
sadly, i am not a fishing-freak.
but being there was something expensive to us.

curled up in my bed this morning, imagining how would my BFF reacted after getting her delivery of a dozen fresh roses & a 300g of Ferrero Rocher with a lil' note last night during one of her important function.
yes, i did purposely sent a surprise delivery at the hall of her uni to make it as if her-someone-special gave it to her. haha..
by the way, it was in conjuction of International Woman's Day.
buying something online grows this miscellaneous feeling in me.
but i guess i should give it a try, kan?
belum cuba, belum tahu.

rejoice! rejoice!
calling home for hours-long conversation, my sister and i would not stop talking til i had something important to do.
the rumah seems to have someone only if either of my sisters are on holidays.
sian plak auntie Siah sorang-sorang kat rumah selama ni...
weeks in Johor had put them strictly busy and attached to projects that seems to have showing progressive positive results.
what about Sunway? i once asked her.
still running smoothly, she smiled and firmly said.
and i know it will.

i'm starting to see lights ahead of me.
good news keeps pouring and i hope i had grabbed them, but not to be too easy in my status and situations right now.
more to explore, more to face flaws.
more careful than before.


p.s: after 5 years, will it change again?

doesn't all that have the same meaning?
ignore.

i am halfway down the track.
i had sacrificed things i love.
i was almost not an inch near of what i am presently.
i doubted if i was ever going to make my path as great as i sketched on the blank white paper i drew the other saturday.

i couldn't pretend the sunshine was there when obviously it isn't.
i wouldn't pay any attention when i know it's impossible for me to engrave something i am never going to get stimulated.
but i wasn't going to outcry just because i thought i had ditch myself in a blink.
and i know, i am still losing something major in this particular route as i am walking.

i had this somewhat reincarnation about who i am going to be.
it's never too late for anything.
it's the willpower that keeps burning inside like those 'chakra' in Naruto series i watched.
hah!
i was just flipping through papers full of philosophies and principles i had learned over the past few years.
those that i had gone trough and taught me meanings of failure that towered me up when i stumbled down.

it doesn't matter what the consequences are, what the situation i am in, what someone has said or rather done to me, these all patched up and covers me like a blanket, saving me from the same mistakes i had done before.
so, who am i that i was talking about?
i am still searching.
you are never perfect. so am i.
this mix and match game is what i am made of today.

looks like i had to undergo a periodical changes soon.
and that soon, i do not know when.
normally, as i am walking towards the bus-stop, i would feel relatively solitude to the cold wind, to the temperature that had drop a few notches lately and to the sun that shone down to the ground leading me ahead.

enough of early morning words?
yeah, i think so.
an advance thank you for listening people.

*yep, it's just right there*

yes, i am sooo empty-headed right now.
bwahahaha..

2nd March - Russian president's election
8th March - Malaysia 2008 election

here's another thing.
on 23rd of March, an election for year 2008-2010 next in line of the Islamic Medical Association Malaysia - Russia Student Chapter (IMAM-Moscow) will take place at the Embassy of Malaysia.

more info, visit their ( IMAM Moscow Finale ) blogspot.
or their official website at ( IMAM-RSC ).

i was among the loudest in the sportzal.
do i care?
nah..
i was cheering for bro.
he was doing his best in the field.
and i was there shouting his name with all i might.
being the supportive sister, i am and will always cheer for him!
hahaha..

banggakan abg dinie ade adik cam layla?
*keh keh*

sorry to those who were thinking i was out of my mind.
i wasn't by the way.
is fair you know, he was playing his best and so am i, being his all-time cheerleader.
goooo flying-jawaaa....
*droolll...*

it was a great game copa!!!
tak sia-sia shakit tehak!
*ehem ehem*

update of the last match?
tunggu & lihat di ( M2 Futsal Club )...

yesterday 8 people read my blog at one shot.
tak pernah-pernah sampai ramai camtuh sekali.


then minutes after that,



p.s: macam-macamnye nak kene buat! haisshh...

woke up in an unusual mood.
skimpy thoughts of that very someone strewed fairly enough to make me feel bad.
not that someone who came knocking my door early morning.
not that big machine that has its own critical moment spinning with its squeeky sound.
in just three winks, things turned upside down.

seeing the almost empty spaces in the four-wheeler white-green vehicle with Zen made me feel so much better.
less than five golden agers were at least staring out of the window bus.
thinking of who to vote for tomorrow's Russian President election?
thinking about when and how to face their final twitch?

Zen had so much to talk about. too much now.
but all i could do was to bestow my ear although not all were pleasurable.
the distance from home to our destination weren't far enough.
but too far to walk on foot and too cold for an early morning legwork.

i miss the younger days.
like the chances i never took and the lessons i never learnt.
i miss the carefree years.
like the days when i was so clean and unmix with any clique.
been there, done that!

Zen understood me too well.
knows when to penetrated me at the right time with the sensible songs.
impressed me with the sense of humor that other people would not know how to get me right.
involved me into subjects and fields i would have not bother to turn myself into.
initiated me with such brilliant concept i never thought other people could think of.

hours of conversation made.
lamenting on emotional topics, i just had to.
seems like Aunt Sally had skipped her work today.
sigh.

but not to worry.
i'm just as good as you may see.

Kopi Kat Klan's Ice Kacang is the perfect song for this moment.
thanx Zen.

*alyn, kak lea & i*