this whole week had been more erroneous than i thought i could handle.
things started off cool.
hebdomadal classes were making me vibrantly active when there was still sunlight and nocturnally dozed off as if i was on sedative when the sun sets.
gosh, terrible me!
it's just so phenomenal to see me hibernating like it was still in winter-i-dislike.

i was finding fault with someone all these while.
heedless me could not care about other people's heart and i wanted to lead my very own life.
i could only start laughing when i found those platonic cliques of mine i knew for as long i had been here.
anti-social? groupism? uuhh..the other way round, i think.
(does that word even exist by the way? like i care, for now...)
i wanted to get over it quickly.
the not-yet-chronic-xenophobe i have deep inside for someone.
it's the internal-ambivalent that keeps me around and not stop picking on someone.
i know i'm done. always have.
i do not care when people stop their stare.
please, behave.

maybe yes, maybe no
maybe rain, maybe snow.

that bytes kept me alive this week.
a quote from Mr. George did managed to put a smile on me everytime it passes my estrangement.
feeling so crappy, all i did was just making more holes in my pocket and just do what i wanted to do.
i was dreaming that someday i would stand out there marking my words out and proud.
i would not be ashamed making them known.
even there is not many that wanted to listen.

learning of Sunni and theology made me think.
as deep as i go into the hole, there was always moments of realization of things i had ignored before this.
things i should know but never could i care the consequences or even the things i would soon deal with.
frames of words i could hardly understood but the sounding board found me and hold me on to them leaving my already-sunken-ship.
SOS came in time.
the ideology and analogy used managed to reached me and it echoed my thoughts as i go through the miserable days.
i have found my little strength i left long time ago.
it's so durable.. or so i thought.
but i knew that at least i had found mine.
have you?

i need honesty. plain, really bald honesty.
genuine people. no hidden motives.
no superficial niceness and whatnots.
just a little honesty.
what do i mean?
go google it.

*tower bridge doesn't fall like the london bridge does, right?*