please, i don't listen to orders that obviously you can do it by yourself.
i know i suck at doing things hypocritically and i am pissed. i do.

tired of being nice to all of you and having you asking me to do your favors.
do not do this at all times.
when you're really in trouble, yes, with an open arm, i'll offer you my help.
but not when you aren't doing anything with your hands are so freely moving.

i got everything done for you.
and what i got back is some moans and groans i never ever want to hear again.
plus, i'm not the orang tengah where i'm the one who had to deal with every single thing that aren't connected with me, at all.

direct and indirectly.
i am not your doormat.


p.s: apsal budak sekolah kene belajar pasal moscow??

regret isn't the exact word.
building back using what's left is the thing i want to do most right now.
this is nothing to do with any relationships playing in your mind right now.
the heat came, but my cold isn't cured yet.
the last time i felt this way was years back.
the moment of my turning point to something bigger and riskier.
i hold to the truth and kept the secret.
and to you, it is still with me, safely.

time isn't appropriate.
to spill out the sensation and suspicion i have right now.

yes, rebuilding and reconstructing.


p.s: why malaysian dramas are without qualities?

(i really feel like editing this post)

firstly, congrats to my deary friend Azamiah for receiving MARA scholarship to further her studies to Sheffield.
saya teramatlah gembira untuk awak, miah!!
ngee...
after all your hard work, you deserved this.

let's go to the rooftop of OU and see what we can do for this petite body of ours!
haha..~

***

Abscess of lung >>> Liquor in the pleural cavity
Aortical insufficiency >>> Mitral stenosis

go figure.

busy twittering.
so, check my updates there, aytes?
won't be glued to my laptop these coming days like i used to.

***
you pick your choice.



p.s: lost for words after the attacking.

i cried over the YM over a good set of late lunch just now.
there's always this point of our lifetime when we just felt like quitting whatever we were up to.
no, i would not do that.
but there was i, at the venge of quitting and holding back.
i know and i understood.
i tried to cope and be up-to-date.
i am so busy yet still have time updating my blog here.
i guess this is one way to let it out.

if you think you're bored, then leave.
i never force you to read whatever i was going to publish here.

well, assuming that there's always a silver lining behind every cloud,
i'll keep things positive.
be it my mind emotionally, and myself physically.

anyways, i don't even care how scissors, papers, stones are played by you.



p.s: no hot water til 2nd june? *rolling in front of suetha's room.* (definitely won't be doing that!)

study sampai lebam.
so this was what happened next;

remember ( aunty jun )?
another one for me today!
terharu sangat-sangat!
the Secret Garden Cupcake.

click the pic for a larger view

or visit her flickr ( here! )

something to ponder:

Life picks on everyone.
Do not take it personally.

Should have known this earlier.


p.s: diri bagaikan kaca.

abah kata noren kecik kontet.
saya kata noren becok buntal.

rindu rumah.

AMARAN:
Tolong sangat-sangat pada yang berkenaan agar tidak membezakan pelajar tajaan dengan pelajar 'private'.
Yang beza hanya duit yang menyara pelajar-pelajar tajaan.
Kepandaian dan kebijaksanaan ada pada semua pelajar.
Cuma cara penggunaannya berbeza dan manfaat yang diterima.
Rezeki daripada Tuhan mungkin tidak pada waktu ini.
Mungkin semasa melanjutkan pelajaran di peringkat yang lebih tinggi.
Masing-masing berusaha, samada yang ditaja, ataupun yang dihantar oleh ibubapa yang berkemampuan.
Masing-masing bertawakal, samada yang telah berusaha setelah sekian lama, mahupun yang baru sedar kepentingan belajar.
Solat hajat yang dilakukan bukan hanya untuk pelajar-pelajar yang ditaja bukan?
Untuk semua bukan?

Kenapa perlu 'statement' ini?

***

seriously, this one line of statement hurt us a lot.
no, i'm not fully sponsored but i was a private student.
i'm not bragging here, but just to save these 'private' students from bangings of some scholarship students.
(not gonna mention names as i am saving YOU from the hatreds of others)

yes, we are not as lucky as YOU are.
but please, we are not THAT lazy as YOU think.
everyone has their moments of laziness, YOU and even us.
everyone knows their responsibility when they are here, be it through the government or even the one sent by so-called loaded parents.

tell me, does 100% (read: each and everyone of them) of the scholarship students succeed and pass throughout the year?
i am not referring to anyone but face the reality.
i do not care whether YOU have settled YOUR previous semester exams already or not, as long as YOU know why YOU are here.

please, treat EVERYONE the same level as YOUR scholarship peeps.
i am asking nicely.

sesiapa yang terasa, maaf.
tapi ini realiti.
depan mata kepala sendiri.

oh one more thing, we did not even say a thing when YOU all were sponsored for the recent games.
we're cool with it, YOU know.

once again, we are all the same.
read: the scholarship students and the private ones.




p.s: bah, sok nak roti kawin puhliizzzz.... *wink wink*

i need a muse.
not as in meditation, but in a guiding spirit meaning.
it's been a while since i had anything to write about.
just photo-blogging for the sake of updating.
right?

anyways, anonymous and silent readers had been reading my posts.
be it the religious matter, personal-publicize issue and even my ramblings that never brings you to a point.
any point.
about the freedom of writing?
can't you see?
as you get older, you seem to keep things more to yourself.
well, i do, at times.
maybe it's just a part of growing that everyone knows.
but what happened to the time when people weren't so afraid to speak up?
and when they weren't too annoying to condemn and judge others?

***

no friendster. no myspace.
facebooking ONLY when i wanted to get update on the Kusess 9903's reunion
and that would be ONLY once a while.
sorry peeps.
and oh, when karina and yogi keep replying and commenting on any of my pics.
haha..

sometimes, at this time and age, a girl and a guy are just so hard to have a special relationship and yet remain friends just because the society is so into them
that either they are so-called dating
or the society will just simply go barking at others nonsensically.
that's sickening, man!
grow up!

the funny thing is, when they are boxed in their mindset
and you are actually in a serious girl-boy relationship
they will only then entitle you with the status.
could they grow up with their damned brain?
*smack!*

plenty of reasons to state in this matter.
let yourself grow in a free space and breathe.
will you?
smell the roses and they will tell you which is not meant for you.

words don't simply cut things out.
yeah?

the more i deny, the more it become one
the more i fight this feeling, the more infatuation it can be
without realising, it reaches your soul
without you knowing, for you, i have fall.

***

it's too easy for me to handle what i want
but not for others
it's too easy for them to understand myself
but not be a companion i could count on
you said you could
i guess i was wrong all the time
i said i would
you think i was too stupid for you.

iThink iShould.

***

*UEFA CL Moscow 2008*

*ehem*
yeah, today i went again to the festival to buy t-shirts for YOU and YOU.
right after the practical surgery exam, we went straight to center and unwind ourselves.

today's pics will be upload later.
but here are some pics of Malaysian students in Moscow playing futsal in the middle of Red Square with the Russians.
sampai berkaki ayam Yumnesh sorang nih!
hehe..~

( more pics here )








p.s: malas nak layan orang tak kenal dalam Facebook.

lazy to type.
so, here are some pics.
will upload more later!
*wink wink*

yang berada di luar kawasan Moscow, sila jangan jeles.
maaf.
ini sahaja yang mampu saya 'hidangkan'.

*gelak guling-guling*






p.s: tumpuan.

just heard last night's news on TV3 online.


*erk*

highlight: the first two lines.


p.s: apa nawaitu sebenar kita?

it'll be a boring post.

so much to write about.
but just not now.
will put on hold about Nizhny Games 2008 topic.

*lenguh-lenguh*

generally, it was OK only.
being there, catching up with friends were the best.
be it the Kursk's peeps, Volgo, Nizhny and MAI friends, they were simply great.
ah..not forgetting YOU of none-mention-above-university that never fails to cheer me up. haha..~

exams are coming up.
blog won't be updated as usual cause i am being guarded by he-who-must-not-be-name.
haish..
will reply comments soon.

*curi dari anda-tahu-sape-anda*

p.s: muka masing-masing muka ayam rebus!

i had to wear The Boyfriend's jersey during my futsal game tomorrow.
due to some technical problems, five players of rsmu's jerseys couldn't be found anywhere around.
not blaming anyone.
dah terjadi, nak buat camner kan?

oh, why the title?
cause the jersey's number 7.
not that i hate that number, but it's so damn common!
the jersey i ordered for me too was number 7.
konon nak sehati sejiwa dengan The Boyfriend la.
*big grin*

before i was using the number 14 since first year.
but The Boyfriend's had always been number 7 ever since.
this year, kire bagi can ar kat mira buntal.
my position?
same as two years back.
that's my strength.

wish us luck for Nizhny Games!

edited:
Congrats Dr. Shah!
You're at the 2nd place for ( Top 20 Malaysian Doctor Blogs )!
(we've return your books, right?)
haha..~


p.s: ileena, see you there!

and yeah, it's obvious when you are not exactly expecting anything to happen today.
just an ordinary wednesday.
too ordinary to bring you fly across the windy spring atmosphere.

live with it.
no doubt that anything can put you hair-raising.
and even when you're at your lowest of low self-esteem.
surprises are swiftly exchange with unexpected news.
life is seen walking along the street.
and there, only that you see nothing is permanent.
and there, only that you realize temporary events do come and go.

i know it's called rambling where i simply throw my words here and there.
this is the trail i leave.
down under, will you have me?
and so, this is the price i have to pay.

*i keep mine open, do you?*
(this is not my room pun. it's nikitin's)

p.s: preparing.

sape yang bunting sebenarnye nih??
sangatla menjadi tanda tanye yang macam huru-hara kat kepala nih..

***

oh, teramatla jeles biler mama dapat msg daripada kawan-kawan laki abg nizar & abg dinie.
mane taknye, dieorg prefer story-mory kat mama drpd criter kat bros.
haih..mak aku la weeyhh...
mane leyh camni!

'nizar, mak kau best ar. lagi best dr mak aku. kiter tukar mak arr'
(siyuttt)

'auntie, q*** dpt medic. tp q*** tak gtaw dinie lagi. nantila..'
(aih...gtaw mama dulu, baru gtaw bestfriend die - a.dinie)

cettt...

'apsal layla tak lemah lembut cam mama layla ek? tenang je tengok'
(heh, sendiri tanye mama laa..)

tak aci! tak aci!
mane leyh kongsi mak!
uurrgghh....

luahan hati yag selamer nih terbuku sat.

(told ya i need to enroll myself in BM literature class!)


p.s: she's my mama!

Siapa akan lupa iklan susu Nespray apabila ia ke udara di television?
Bait-bait lagu yang dinyanyikan si pelakon cilik menjadi siulan mulut kanak-kanak yang amat mengerti pengorbanan si ibu.
Sambutan HARI IBU yang disambut pada setiap hari Ahad yang kedua dalam bulan Mei menjadi satu hari yang terindah khas buat kaum-kaum ibu, samada ibu tunggal, janda mahupun yang sudah beranak-pinak.
Status ibu itu amat bermakna sekali pabila melihat si anak kecil lari berkeliaran di hadapan rumah.
Terpancar di mukanya perasaan sayang yang tidak terhingga yang mana hanya Tuhan sahaja yang tahu titik pengorbanan yang akan dihadapi semata-mata ingin melihat si kecil itu berjaya kelak.

Tidak perlu hadiah setinggi gunung, tidak perlu rumah sebesar istana
ketepikan intan berlian perhiasan diri, peluk cium tanda disayangi
Cukuplah sekadar kejayaan yang dikecapi
Membayar pengorbanan selama ini.

Antara pesanan-pesanan yang kita sering dengari pabila bertanyakan apa yang si ibu mahukan daripada anak-anaknya.
Ibu, ummi, mama, mami; semua ini memberi satu maksud.
Maksud yang cukup mendalam untuk kita ketahui betapa peritnya ibu kita mengusung kita yang belum mengetahui dan melihat dunia luar, kehulu kehilir semasa dalam kandungan.
Penerimaan si ibu dengan penambahan berat badan hampir 10 kilogram sanggup dipikul demi melihat kelahiran anak sulung mahupun anak bongsunya.

Tidak perlu diterangkan panjang lebar.
Pasti semua orang tahu kisah-kisah ibu dari setiap mulut yang berkata-kata.
Dalam erti kata yang lebih jelas, ibu tetap ibu.
Utamakan arahan dan permintaan ibu, kemudian bapa.

SELAMAT HARI IBU buat mama yang tersayang!!

*i really need to go to BM literature class!!*

done with my BM essay on Mother's Day.
it's not that i don't write in Malay, it's all about preference.
okay?
up to you guys to judge me.

there's just too much to write and list down what i miss most about mama.
about what i like most about her.
even about what she had done to me during her Moscow-London trip last winter.
in order to take care all her five stubborn but cool children, she quit her work.
and now that she's back on track, she's even cooler and happier than we thought.

pictures say it all.
but there are only the latest pics.
nah, it's the thoughts that count.
sending her a card had already brought the joy of happiness and will give her a call soon.
she's busy celebrating Mother's Day alongside with Abah, Abg. Nizar & Kak Ayu.

rindu, rindu, rindu.

*selalu berebut nak amik gambar dgn mama*

*at the hospital i was born*

*at the university abah was in*

*budak kecik, noren yang dah spoiled dgn mama*

*we never fail to accompany each other shopping!*

p.s: teringat temankan mama pi OU every morning for small-tidbits shopping without fail.

lebih baik autojohnografi.
lebih baik kaum-kaumnya.

sendiri lihat.
sendiri cabar.

lebih baik penghayatan nerakaku.
lebih baik kesimpulan minimalis.

pandai mengandai lagi berolah.
pandai buat walaupun dah tahu salah.


p.s: pengabaian. moga-moga.

pilot project turned out well.
i'm stamping myself here.
yes, i am.
it was 40-60.
last few weeks i gave a call, i changed my mind.
it was 50-50.
last few days i rang them, i made my decision.
and i'm stronger here at mind.
unfortunately, not at heart.



but, i am definitely an obedient daughter.


p.s: tell me what went wrong in the middle.

after a full week worth of being a studious me,
i planned to unwind myself by having mouthful of sushi moment ( here )!

readers, for time being, i'm going to make this as a photoblog.
kinda finding my own time to regenerate myself for the coming Nizhny Games and exams.
here are some pics on whatabouts during these days.

cool, bukan?

unfortunately, i misplaced Maki-Maki's pamphlet.
so, i couldn't spell out the dishes served below.
sorry people!

( more pics! )

and yeah, futsal was played too!
too active, i think.
*ngeh..*

*guess whose legs are these?*

the hockey player

at last, the sun!

( park and posers )

for the 180th post,
here's for you, Syikin..

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY!!



*ngeh ngeh*

p.s: pekena maki-maki ooo... =p~

edited;

from Facebookmail

Change in your rankings;

gained 17 places, now #3 most useful


apekaahhh??????

btw, congrats to the 2nd year! obviously, you guys were better than us!
and oh, just one. my table wasn't a food flow concept.
it was more like you'll-get-your-foods-every-one-hour sort.
seriously.



p.s: massad done. next!

i was surprised to see that she uploaded a pic for me.
specially to see her friend's house.

knew her through flickr and her cupcakes.
yeah, i had been searching for colourful and artistic designs of cupcakes
and she was among my toplist.
she's like a second mother to me, just that i've never met her in person.
will do when i'm back home later.

she promised to make cupcakes for me.
yeay to aunty jun!

( cupcake kasih )

p.s: teringin nak makan, tp syg biler tgk design. =p

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

phew!
four days of holidays in a row!
still, tonnes of homeworks and revisions need to be settle according to the timetable i've already made few days after getting the exam schedule.
first of May, specifically the Labour's Day, that marked the official Spring Festival at People's Friendship University (PFU) that was celebrated annually not far from my hostel.

well, nothing much could be said and done.
getting back from futsal training and had a friendly match with Kay's team was simply tiring!
still, we won, maybe because they gave chance, but who cares.
*ahaks*

'aggresif ar kau, layla!'
'hah! memang!' with two thumbs-up from me.
and swoosh, i tackled the ball from his leg and there was me, controlling the ball passing to who, i've forgotten.
futsal is the best sport AFTER golf and swimming.

right after that, without a rest, i had to prepare for a group discussion that ended four hours later.
different statements and arguments were discussed, be it the Russian methods nor the internationals
(or should it be international's?),
we are one at mission and vision.
i had bags of fun and laughter, thanks to you guys.

as usual, i'll passed out till i was awake hearing the ringing of the cheap cell phone of mine.
'meh keluar bilik. ade makanan.'

i did not bother to touch the seafoods that was simply mouth-watering but i was more attracted to the magnetic-bed of mine.
yeah, my crib was wayyyyy better looking and comforting, and so, there was i, landing back on my bed and had another session of do-not-disturb-me cause i was in a far-far-away-land.

'beep beep'
then, there was a loooongggggg vibration from the cell phone.
woke up while ignoring the phone call and head to my laptop.
surprisingly, another food-junks on my table!
hahaha...
pieces of moist chocolate cakes in my pyrex glassware.
murah betul rezeki malam tadi...
Alhamdulillah..
eheh.. :D

***

stacks of assignments need to be done before Massad tonight.
i am no more performing cause in the previous years, i was dominantly on stage performing traditional dance.
not anymore. people are bored looking at the same face of mine.
i know that. don't have to tell.
just going to enjoy the night passing by with performances that i think are going to be different than i thought after seeing the props the performers brought for their full rehearsal yesterday.
all the best to the committee and performers!

***

i saw the circle i drew before.
it is still visible but i'm making it transparent from my view,
but not from yours.
i'm making myself unbreakable and fragile in yours.
i'm treating myself less in laws but rules are rules within you.
i wanted a shelter, you gave me more.
i do not deserve better, but still, you put me higher.
but just one, do not fake yourself and lie to me.

i think i should do some editing in my head.
geez...

*laki mati bini*